My love of old things does not extend to my body.

Hypocritical right? I don’t care! I’m so bummed that post baby my body is different. Also is the fact that I haven’t slept well in about four years, which I have no doubt contributes to the aging process. But hell, I would love to have my 30-something body back. But if you’re in the business of granting absurd wishes, can I have my late twenty-body back please?

It’s not even about the wrinkles. I actually love wrinkles… on other people. I love the way that they age, showcasing all the smiles and worries on a face. But my face? Habibi… just no. It’s starting to sag just a little bit. And don’t get me started about the age spots and the melasma. But honestly I don’t really care, mainly because I am not made of money and I do not have the capability to spend beaucoup bucks on fancy creams, etc. I guess I’m okay with my face aging. But my body? I would like a newer version please.

Hear me out. I wakeup now with lower back pain. My flexibility? Gone. I used to do inversions while practicing yoga, I know that a flexible back is key. But my ability to twist in a deep stretch is met with tightness and disappointment. Every time I do a forward fold at least one vertebrae pop. Granted it feels great, but I’m not too sure I like it.

Oh god I miss my energy. Prior to getting pregnant I was biking, running, and doing yoga. I had completely cut out caffeine and could wakeup in the morning not dependant on anything to jump start my day. Post kiddo? I’m up to two caffeinated beverages, all before 11am. Granted I’ve been able to keep my coffee decaffeinated, but shucks. I hate the way my body feels before it kicks in.

Now I know that the answer to all of this is sleep and exercise. I know… but please tell my almost four year old that he can in fact sleep through the night. Also please tell my hormone-riddled brain that I can schedule time for myself in a way that only benefits myself. I know, know, know that going to the gym, throwing around some weights will help. Hell, I’ve even talked to a personal trainer that works here and they can come into your home. But I think that I would not like that. I need to get out of my home more, not stay in it.

So yes, I am a hypocrite. I love and appreciate older people, I cherish old things. But myself? Girl I want to stay mid thirties… not early forties. And definitely not older. Ugh, when I was a child (read early twenties) I was convinced that aging would not happen to me. But thankfully I have continued to live and unfortunately it has come my way. I don’t know what do to about it, how can I value my 80 year old piano, but not my 40 year old self?